Sunday, January 17, 2010{ Sunday, January 17, 2010 }
; I survived school like how anyone would survive on a japanese game show.
Well school has been alright so far , more of the stupid tamilehs screaming my name from cafe 1 , and chooting. But i`m already used to it . Yeah , so lessons already started , and we have gotten our books. Uniforms not yet , cause no stock , and it`s really irritating. The girls in my class are super bitchy la ! & i cannot stand this one girl , one day imma fight with her.She clearly don`t know who she messing with. Wrong cookie to fight with la bitch. Viinod is moving house soon and sanjiv is still not talking to me . Sighs , some sort of brother you are. Nevermind not gonna talk about that. Lately i started talking to sham less , i feel bad but then sighs. I also don`t know why .
I don`t know why but i just feel like screaming all that i wanna say in here. Though it won`t be screaming. I wanna go to the beach and scream everything inside of me to come out . To let all the hurt and anger in me to just come out and disappear. Release all the anger , pain , sorrow , hurt and let them dissolve. I`m not meant to be like that , i`m a happy person . This anger and hurt is really affecting me. yes , why am i suddenly talking about all this ? I also dont know . but one thing for sure , i don`t love you as much as i did . I`m slowly starting to let go , but i know i`ll run back if you come back. I`m stupid i know , but that is just how i am and its time to accept that fact. Our friendship started of with me laughing at you for the songs in your phone , but it ended with me crying for you , to be with you. To understand you was very difficult , but i took that challenge . & It somehow seemed that i failed , even though i thought i was in the process of winning. Suddenly in a day , i lost everything . It seemed to me like nothing mattered to you at all . but i stayed strong , i continued trying , but i just kept failing every single time. Then came the day where nothing seemed to work out between the two of us except , being friends. I didn`t mind , but it was hard cause i never took you as a friend to even begin with. I just wished , you`d had given us a chance. but i thank you for not giving us a chance , you gave me a chance , to be hurt , and to understand what it is like loving someone who is not meant to be with you . Though i had been through that , you made it seem tougher , and i learned alot of things also. Though i said my pm`s wont be to you , somehow it still does refer to you. I`m sorry , i know i`m making things awkward but what am i supposed to do !? . I`m trying okay , just know that i am really trying my best.
Coughing sucks . hahaks , having sorethroat sucks. Omg , i wonder how Hamzah is . his operation was on tuesday , and he still hasnt came online , or msged or called. i really wish you are fine . You will always remaind that bestfriend (: I remember every single word u said before going for your operation. Hamzah , stay strong.
Well , i took medicine but not helping. But i have to sleep now cause it`s late. Nights everyone : D SharenCAUR. ! ; i wanted you , but i never got it . i wanted love , but you never gave it. i got hurt , but i still loved you. Everything i ever said , was always true.
Sunday, January 10, 2010{ Sunday, January 10, 2010 }
; Say a prayer to yourself , close your eyes , Sometimes it helps.
Well the answer to my question was already answered by the silence .
But i still had to get it confirmed , and i was right . I knew what the answer was going to be , therefore i was well prepared , and it was kind of expected , therefore i wasn`t really that hurt or anything.
But , not all stories have bad endings , Due to this situation.
I got back Hamzah ! (:
My bestie idiot. I chatted with him on msn all the way till he fell asleep.
I am so happy to have him back in my life. The best part of all this is ,
he`s a changed person now . The way he cares , the way he chats , is totally diffrent.
But he is still the same hamzah i knew 10 months back.
Hamzah , 7th of march will be exactly a year since i`ve known you.
And i will never ever forget you in my life.
The countless number of times u`ve irritated me , you always know the right thing to say to cheer me up. It`s like you understand me , but u are stubborn yourself. (:
But , you will always be an awesome friend , On the 12 of january is your bloody operation.
I`ll pray for you alright , and i wont forget what you said to me
U wish that you`ll never forget me.
Hamzah , you`ll be fine , I know you will be.
Grrrr ! i`m still having sorethroat .
And today i totally forgot i was having it once i woke up.
I brushed teeth and all , sat down to eat.
I ate something really spicy with rice , and after the fifth bite , i realized i was having sorethroat.
The pain was so unbearable , i stopped eating , and decided to head back to sleep :D
I woke up around 6 plus , cousins came over .
For the first time , no one chio me go down .
Wahh , bored. Stayed home talked to sham , then decided to have some family bonding.
Talked to family all , was really fun .
I never really gave it a shot . Then followed them go Hougang point , go ntuc.
I bought loads of fried food , food , and etc stuff relating to me eating : D
HAHA.
Well , thats about all
I`m going to go drink water .
My throat`s being a bitch.
I miss my friend who passed away.
May she Rest in peace , and remain happy no matter where she is.
I really want her to know , that i`m missing her badly.
And i`ve cried so much just for her.
Girl , you`r my everything , i really wished i had spent much more time with you.
Jessmyn Dhillon , I love you.
Goodnight world.
SharenCaur.
XoXo.
Friday, January 08, 2010{ Friday, January 08, 2010 }
; The song that left me speechless. ; Read the lyrics , love.
I told myself today was gonna be the day, No more excuses cause I knew exactly what to say. Was gonna make my play, but just like yesterday my mind erased and I let the moment slip away. Another night I'll be sitting here all by my own, picking up the phone, but I can't get past the dial tone racking my brain, going insane. Again and again, I can't keep going this way. Crushed by the sweetest lips I never kissed. And your fingertips and the warmest touch I've always missed. Crushed By the softest hands I never held. Probably never tell, you're the strongest love I ever felt. Crushed That I haven't ever let you know How it always goes Cause I lose my nerve whenever you get close. And So I'm left, short of breath with that heavy feeling in my chest. Baby I'm so Crushed.
Crushing, Im so into to you Dont know what Im gonna do Gotta find a way to you I dont know just what to do Crushing, Im so into to you Dont know what Im gonna do Gotta find a way to you Oh Im Crushing, Im so into you Dont know what Im gonna do Gotta find a way to Youuuu. And so Im left, Short of breath With that heavy feeling in my chest Baby im so Crushed.
This song really expresses it siaa ! Hhahks . Well it`s friday , i`m suppose to get the answer today , but yeha. i`ll message him at night i guess and then i`ll see how it goes. I really hope he has given this much thought , cause i`ve waited so yeah.
I SURVIVED FIVE DAYS OF ITE ! yay , OMG THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY LA! haha. I`m gonna wake up late tmr ! Miss being an owl , i wanna go down tomorrow also and lepak. Rakesh is angry at me i think , lol?. .. nvm. Viinod and i also had an arguement. Sighs , i took my anger on him. I cried alot last night , i missed Jessmyn really badly. I was talking to sham and suddenly i started crying badly. Well , i wanna be happy . Smile sharen , you`r strong.
That`s all , byebye. Watch me all night I'm moving to the light Because I understand
That we all need love And I'm not afraid To feel the love But I don't feel that way no . ilyk.
shArenCaur!
Monday, January 04, 2010{ Monday, January 04, 2010 }
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL , OMIGOSH ! GOODBYE , OWLING DAAAAYS !
Rakesh called me , i was mad at first cause he didn`t called me yesterday when he booked in , then after he explained what happened , we talked for like 10 mins then he had to go .. Lights out =( Well he says he might meet us on saturday. Well , he better.
OMG , SCHOOL WAS A HORROR. Okay , maybe i`m not giving it a chance , well idk. But the school is so big , and the first day already the lecturers so fierce , i mean chill uh. I can get lost in the school sia , this block , that block .. Woah , totally big ! Thank god i wrote down little notes :D My new classmates are ... okay.. they seem friendly , but not all of them. I decided to mingle with my own kind ! , indians ! hahaks , shanu , shalini & habiba ! hahaks , the 3 names i can remember ! They are really nice girls . Habiba and i laugh at every damn thing , hahaks ! Well maybe i`ll give it another shot. But they make us walk here walk there , wah tiring sia ! ahaks. I SAW KHAI AND I WAS LIKE SO HAPPY , THAT I SCREAMED HIS NAME AND HUGGED HIM , and i think so many ppl saw. LOL ! hilmi was like " eh eh , girl ni siao eh" . HAHAKS. omg , atleast they are in the same school. Met choti and nikku also :D nice peeps la this ppl ! They`ll help me survive this year :D Well well , thats all :D
The way you shake it , i`ve never seen an ass like that :D & , she`s the one and only , SharenCAUR!
& i won`t like any other guy cause , i said i`ll never move on from you. If being friends means getting you back , i will do it . yeahyeah. Byebye , takecares of yourself.
imyimyimyimy.
Saturday, January 02, 2010{ Saturday, January 02, 2010 }
I GOTTA FEELING , 2010 WILL MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON.
Well i spent my new year with the usual peeps. Haks , and my usual routines certainly didn`t change . I woke up at 3 , bathed and all , cousins all came over. (Mother`s side family) , so then i went down to slack with viinod , pamela , rakesh & sundar. Haks , bunch of assholes , sweet idiots luh this ppl. Haks , Rakesh kept pulling my hair , he hasn`t change. Every damn chance he has , he`ll pull my hair. damn it ! Then came back home at around 8 plus , then cousins all still here. Then more cousins came , then they left at around 12 ? yeahs. Was watching wwe .. LOL ! , bored .. then was watching some tamil movie. and everybody kept commenting ... your boyfriend tamil isit ? LOL !? i`m multi racial , i watch every channel . I should be meeting rakesh and sundar again tomorrow. idk ? , they`r out fishing , idk what for also , bunch of fools. Ah , i`m bored bored bored. Pamela was drunk when she met me , bloody idiot. I ate 4 rounds of dinner .. Lol , something wrong with me. I went hyper on chocolate today .. Shiok ! Viinod , kartik complained my blog posts are like composition like tht . Thanks uh . idiots.
Well that`s all for now ! Bbye , XoXo, sharencaur.
; I know you see me smiling , cause i`m done with crying .
Friday, January 01, 2010{ Friday, January 01, 2010 }
; Don`t worry , you didn`t hurt me , you completely destroyed me <3
HAPPY NEW YEAR.
2010 - Will be the bomb digidy Bomb ( well , at least i hope it will be ). For this year , i told myself .. no more enemies , i already have plenty . And i`m going to try to study hard to make mom and dad proud of me. I`m going to try to please everyone , but that doesn`t mean i`ll totally change. Went over to Malvin`s house to celebrate his birthday. He`s birthday`s on the 31st December .. Basted , he collect alot of money sia ; had loads of fun. well , some people got on my nerves but i controlled myself. I kept my mouth shut no matter how badly i wanted to scream at them. I swear if i had a chance , i would scream in their faces so that they`ll never forget and they`ll learn when to keep their mouth shut . It`s all about the upbringing . well that`s what everyone says and now i`ll say it too . 2009 was a bitch to me , i had loads of problems . but i`m going to leave all that behind and keep walking and moving forward in live. yes , i`V been hurt , but who cares am i right ? Bro followed Malvin to some chalet .. and kartik invited me to sentosa .. but i couldn't`t make it cause dad don't allow .. he pampers his son more and he`ll give the same old reason when i ask why .. You`r a girl , you get pregnant how ... -.-'' lame shit. Well yeah , so i reached home slightly before midnight , and watched the remaining of the Mr.Bean the movie .. recorded it .. Haks. So i`ll update . On the 30Th i went to watch Alvin & the chipmunk . Haks ! Awesome movie !!! Damn cute and funny uh . It really got my mind off things. And i can say i Think i`m getting better. Hahks .
I`ve been doing lots of stupid stuff to my body lately. Wil not elaborate on that though. Went for the medical thing today with jaspreet and Letitia . They took my blood , X-tray .. Damn , the doctor poked the needle in my arm and he was talking to the nurse. i was like dying over there. My blood came out lovely though . Dark red. Awesome . I should be meeting viinod , rakesh and sundar tomorrow , Yaaay. Haks , met puranas and viinod today also . Picture session , uploaded on Face book already. Everyone`s like more happy then me that i got into nursing. Hahaks , alright .
Well , that`s all for now ! BuhBye. Loves , SharenCAUR.
; Don`t worry , you didn`t hurt me , you completely destroyed me <3